Grrr ... Siri

   Good afternoon dear reader and welcome to a fairly pleasant afternoon in North Yorkshire. Sunshine and showers by turn and feeling a bit cooler, but very good for lateish November. The weather has been sunny and dry for a few weeks. Spouse even cut the grass yesterday, which was a great bonus as the mower gathered up all the leaves too. Great news for us, as we have at least two weeks grace before the next lot of leaves gather on the lawn and we might have to rake those up if the season turns more wintry.

   My bookstall project is progressing well and so I have gone ahead and purchased a new phone, as technology has overtaken my old phone and it would not work in conjunction with my new card reader for the bookstall payments. Being a bit of a dinosaur where technology is concerned, it has taken me a while to get to grips with all the whizz bangs, whistles and bells on the new phone. In fact, now I come to think about it, I have somehow managed to silence everything. The phone asked me if I wanted it on silent when it sensed I was driving and so I said yes. It must think I'm permanently in driving mode now, as I don't get a squeak out of it when messages come through. Not that I can access email messages at all now, in spite of all the information allegedly having been transferred to the new phone. So ... what to do? Ask Siri, of course.

   Me :  Hey Siri, why can't I access my emails on this phone?

   Siri :   I don't know, Patricia.

   Fat lot of help that is. O.K., never one to take defeat easily, I decided to have another go.

   Me :   Hey Siri, why can't I access my Gmail on this phone?

   Siri :   I've looked on the web and found this information for you.

   So ... Siri disappears and two nono-seconds later so does all the web information he had put up on the screen.  Grrr. I tried again and Siri provided the same stuff. Hurriedly, I clicked on to the first block of information, which was of no help at all. Doesn't Siri listen? I'll just have to look it up for myself I gave up on that subject and decided to try something else.

   Me :   Hey Siri, what is the charge for Apple Podcasts?

   Siri :   Your phone is at eight six percent charged.

   Me :   I didn't mean phone charge Siri ... Too late, he had gone.

   You know what? I wish I worked his hours. He's worse than my Elfina - one strike and she's gone too. I tried again.

   Me :   Hey Siri, how much do I have to pay for an Apple Podcast?

   Siri :   O.K., I have found this on the web, "How much do I have to pay for an Apple Podcast?" Check it out, Siri says brightly.

   I start to read the first block of information and then the whole lot disappears. Where does it go to? Am I meant to be the world's fastest speed reader? O.K., one more attempt.

   Me :   Hey Siri, what time is the first train from Scarborough to York tomorrow?


   Siri :   Getting public transport information from Scarborough to York.

   Then my fingerprint symbol came up. I tapped on it to gain access and nothing happened. I tried this twice and still nothing. I have no idea what Siri has done with this information, but I know what I would like him to do with it!  I give up

   So ... in the interests of making use of the technology on the phone I tried the dictation facility on "WhatsApp".

   'Hello Jenny, I'm just trying out the dictation on this phone seems to be working just been practising with Siri but he's absolutely useless who just like this dictation lark this is really good hello I didn't say hello why do you printed hello oh no this is maybe not a good idea' 

   Maybe I have to say the puncuation out loud, or will it print that out too! I think I might stick to typing messages in future, it looks a safer bet. So, that's quite enough of new phone technology for one day. Now I'm off to torture myself with online technology. I need to order new supplies of my books from the printers. It will be a miracle if my Password lets me into the site. It is always a challenge. And then there is the driving licence renewal on the DVLA site. Surely God in all his goodness will let one of these go right today.

   I do hope so, or when we meet next week, dear reader, I might be as bald as the old coot, having pulled all my hair out by the end of this afternoon.  Have a good week and stay warm. My new phone is showing the temperatures  already dropping away, Time to be out with the horticultural fleece and tucking in the delicate plants for the night. Goodby for now see you next week.