SO...WHO IS MISS D?

   Good morning dear reader and welcome finally, to a lovely sunny Sunday at Comb Towers. Our meteorologists promise us a couple of fairly good days and then the temperatures may drop back again.However, I hope I find you in good fettle and enjoying the Bank Holiday weekend. I am feeling quite chipper this morning and looking forward to going out into my garden, in spite of a bit of a domestic hiccup during the week. 

   You may remember, dear reader, that last week I related the tale of Spouse and the  rather luscious lady he met at a party in France. I never, in my wildest dreams, expected to be following it up with another tale of a lady this week. But there you are, dear reader, you just never know ...

   Last week I was in the process of switching from one mobile phone provider to another and falling between two stools, so to speak, I was going to be without any service for one day. It so happened on that day that I wanted to text my sister about a gardening matter. No phone - next best best thing - Spouse's phone. Yes, I know you know where I am going with this and so I am!

   Spouse was down at the bottom of the garden, still wielding the large axe and chainsaw on that horrid old tree stump. But his phone was in his den. I opened it up and lo and behold - there was a new text message.  'Thank you for the beautiful flowers and chocolates. They are lovely. See you soon. Miss D.'

   Oh really ... Miss D? And who in the name of glory is Miss D? And why is Spouse sending her flowers and chocolates? And how come she's getting some and I'm not? Softly, softly, catchee monkey here. I resisted the temptation to rush down the garden, demanding to know who the hell Miss D is and then brain him with a spade - although I might have felt better for it.

   No, I waited until I was setting the dining room table for dinner and mused aloud to Spouse as I too..d and fro..d with cutlery and plates.   'Seems a long time since we had any fresh flowers in this room,' says I. 'Flowers really lift a room, don't they?'   'Hmm,' says Spouse noncommittedly. 'What's that?'   'Flowers,' I said with emphasis. 'I said flowers really lift a room, don't they? Perhaps we should buy a bunch of flowers.'  'Mmm,' said Spouse and returned to his book.

   That lure, having got me nowhere, I tried again after dinner. 'I quite fancy a chocolate,' says I. 'We haven't had chocolates for a while have we? Not since Easter. 'A lovely box of chocolates,' I said through gritted teeth.  Spouse sighed and put his book down, removed his reading glasses and glared at me. 'So, you've been reading my phone.'

   'I have,' I said. 'I don't have a phone today and I wanted to text my sister.' I'm sorry to say, dear reader, that I slightly lost the plot at that point. 'And who the hell is Miss D? And what's with the flowers and chocolates?' Oh my, my, dear reader. Why did I ask? Did I really want to know? Sure as heck I did.

   'Miss D is a lady of our acquaintance,' says Spouse.  'Is she by jove. Well, she won't be for much longer,' I said indignantly.  'Oh keep your hair on woman,' sighed Spouse. 'What are you imagining? A little light flirtation with Miss D or even a torrid affair? Perlease, get your brain into gear. I haven't got the time or energy for all that nonsense. Living with you is quite enough for any man. Think, woman. Think ... Miss D ...'

   'Never mind this "Miss D" nonsense. Why have you got her on your phone in the first place and why are you sending her flowers and chocolates?'  'She's on my phone because she sometimes gives me a little advice on what not to get you for a present, when I have some wilder notions and she got flowers and chocolates because she's just passed her driving test and I wanted to congratulate her and thank her for being such a help. Now can you connect with Miss D ...?

   Mmm, dear reader. The penny dropped and I knew who Miss D was. A delightlful young lady of our acquaintance who has been so kind and helpful to us during both lockdowns. I think I have to award myself first prize for being an eejit. My dear Mama was right. How many times did she tell me I was an eejit? Too many to remember, so maybe there is something in that after all.

   The upshot of this little hiccup is that Spouse is now permanently in the smug zone, complete with irritating smug grin on his face. And the postscript is that he bounced in the door with a bunch of red roses and a box of chocolates for me the very next day. All is harmonious at Comb Towers once more.

​   Enjoy the sunshine, my dear reader and the Bank Holiday. See you  next week, axes and chainsaws allowing.