THE GAFFER LOVES HIS GAFFA

​   Good morning dear reader and welcome to a lovely sunny Sunday morning at Chez Comb. Another week of frosty nights and sunny days and no doubt our garden is still very confused, or at least the plants in it are with all the comings and goings in temperatures. However, the birds seem unaffected by the extremes. The ladies are thinking of nesting and the males are busy fighting with their rivals for their favours. We are engaged with our on-going battle with the seagulls. Spouse's netted boards are doing a great job in preventing the gulls from obtaining their fish breakfast/lunch/suppers, but still they try their luck, perching on the boards and pecking away at the netting, until this mad woman rushes out and chases them off. Mmm, wonder who that could be ...?

   For a change it has been an uneventful week at Comb Towers. We have found plenty to occupy ourselves with around the homestead. A friend in the village dropped off some old wooden pallets and Spouse has been having a high old time dismantling them ready to chop up for firewood. He has crashed and banged to his heart's content and miraculously, without injury to himself. Between bouts of gardening and being a domestic goddess I have oiled up our garden furniture ready for the season - snow, hail, rain or sun. This being England anything can and does happen.

   I wrote a blog in November 2016, entitled 'How To Make A Yorkshireman Cry'. The opening sentence read, 'Quite simple really, tell him he's going shopping.' It was true then and still holds good in April 2021. You see, dear reader, the shops have opened up again and I have promised myself a shopping trip tomorrow to replace underclothing and socks for us both. I know, too much information. BUT, just as importantly, to purchase new shoes for Spouse, which means, (a) he has to come shopping with me and (b) spend money, which as we all know is anathema to any right thinking Yorkshireman.

   So, dear reader, Spouse was informed of the forthcoming trip during the week and its purpose, i.e., particular reference made to new shoes for him. Spouse has been wearing a pair of ancient black shoes for working in the garden. One shoe has a large hole in the toecap and the other, multiple rips in the old dried out leather. In addition to this, they leak. I think I can safely say, dear reader, that I have made a good case for a replacement pair to be purchased, if only from a safety point of view. A large hammer or crowbar dropped on his toes would cause untold damage. But Spouse was not going to be so easily talked into a shopping trip and the little grey cells to quote Monsieur Poirot, got to work and came up with an alternative plan - his old tried and tested friend - gaffa tape.

   I don't think I have ever told the story of Spouse and the gaffa tape. If I have, I apologise and try to be brief in my reprise here, as it is pertinent to his latest idea. When we lived on our Durham Dales smallholding we were the highest farm sited halfway up the fellside. Our nearest neighbours were below us at the end of our farm track. They were lovely neighbours and very sociable. One morning Sylvia rang up to announce the kettle was on and invited us down for coffee. 'Lovely idea,' says I and went in search of Spouse. He suggested I tootle off and he would follow in a jiffy, he just had a little job to do first. Off I went and was sitting in our friend's conservatory when Spouse trooped in. Sylvia was in the kitchen and popped her head around the door and her eyebrows rose almost to her hairline. I followd her gaze which was directed at Spouse's feet and I too could not believe my eyes. Spouse had taped up the toecaps of both brown shoes with silver gaffa tape. Dear reader, you know when you think you've seen it all ...? You never have really. Spouse had the decency to look a bit abashed and hastened to explain. The sole of one shoe had come adrift and was flapping about, so he decided to tape it up. Ah, but then he thought he should tape up the other one to match it - so they didn't look odd. Not look odd!!!! I suppose shoes taped up with gaffa tape don't look odd then??

   That, my dear reader, was many years ago. Fast forward to 2021 and this leopard has not changed his spots. Instead of going shopping and buying new shoes, why not fix the holes and tears in his garden shoes with gaffa tape? 'Only this time', quoth he, 'I'll use black gaffa tape to match the shoes, then they really won't look odd. They only looked odd last time because the shoes were brown and the tape was silver.' Tape or no tape I know the destiny of those old shoes and that's the dustbin and yes, we are going shopping tomorrow and shoes are at the top of the list. Wish me luck dear reader. Spouse and shoes/clothes shopping are not an easy mix, but I have stiffened up my sinews and summoned up my blood and am ready and raring to go.

   Have a good week, dear reader and I hope Spring continues to keep Springing for us all. Just as importantly, I hope I survive our shopping trip and come home safely to enjoy another sunny week.