PREDICTIVE TEXT

   Good morning dear reader and welcome to a sunny Sunday at Comb Towers. The weather is very hot and dry. My computer says that rain is coming, but the Met Office says not today. It will be interesting to see who is right. I hope you are well and in good fettle and enjoying the summer.

   Spouse and I ventured out to an out of town shopping centre near York this week. The days have been very hot and so we set out in the cool of the early morning, to make the hours journey before the day hotted up and the crowds came out. Spouse was driving and I was texting with my friend, Jenny. Or I should say, trying to text. How bossy is the predictive text on my phone? On a scale of one to ten, I would say nine and a half. It tried to interfere with every sentence I wrote and was not up for taking 'no' for an answer, even though it was writing nonsense. I started off trying to type, 'Good morning, Jenny, how are you today?' Left to the phone my conversation with Jenny would proceed thus :

   Me       Good going morning, thank afternoon. However, aren't area yours this?

   Jenny   I am fine and what are you up to today? Are you OK?

   Me        Well, we're, I'm imagine OMG, ingredients! Glad going tonight, tomorrow to yoyo toupees.

   Jenny   I know it's a bit early, but have you been out on the razzle?

   Me        No, not now. I'm just sorry going out home through my day dinner, driving in the garage.

   Jenny   Too much medication ...?

   Me        You and your friend and your family?

   Jenny   Not me, you chump. I mean you. You're not making sense.

   Me        Sounds WhatsApp going with me.

   Jenny   Or your phone has taken over control of you.

   Me        I think I have hope, it's aleatory.

   Jenny   What is that?

   Me        The inherent uncertainty due to the probabilistic various bar.

   Jenny   Have you just made that up?

   Me        No, of now. I'm still statisticians attached until the hope it heads off.

   Jenny   Err, is Hubby at home today?

   Me       Yes, he's just going to take care of you both. 

   Jenny   Really? That sounds a bit alarming. How do you mean?

   Me        He's got a big pot of water and he's going to take it off to clean up the garden.

   Jenny   But I haven't got a garden.

   Me        Yes, I am sorry to say that we have yet to see how much we can get this week.

   Jenny    Maybe you should put your phone away and go and lie down.   

   Me        Maybe you should come over later. I think it's aleatory again.   

   Jenny   Put your phone away and go and lie down. I'll ring you later on. Aleatory! As if ...

   Me        O.K. Plymouth has always enjoyed a bit of the garden.

   Jenny   Have you been at those wild berries?

   Me        Fermented foods are good for you.

   Jenny   Everything in moderation.

   Me        Don't think so.

   Jenny   I think I'll risk coming over. God know what you're up to. 

   Me       OK, because I have know it is really right.

   Jenny   I'll just pop round.

   Me        No, not good.

   Jenny   Why not?

   Me        Brillliant idea but thank goodness it is not too easy to play with.

   Jenny   What isn't?

   Me        Yes, I have got a few jobs that I might play with.

   Jenny   What kind of jobs?

   Me        Zoo day tomorrow and then put your Christmas shopping list in you garage, house, car.

   Jenny   Bit early for Christmas shopping.

   Me        No worries, Christmas shopping going good here.

   Jenny   I still think I should come round. What are you doing? Not buying stuff from the internet I hope.

   Me        A sausage and a cake for lunch, dinner and then we can get some coffee on sunday morning, afternoon, night.

   Jenny   I'm on my way.

   Me       Yes, because the weather at the other house is dodging me.

   Jenny   On my way with a flask of very strong coffee. And then a long lie down for you.

   I could quite get to enjoy these conversations dear reader. Somewhere in them there is a weird kind of logic going on. I think I have just invented a new pastime, a bit like the old paper game of 'Consequences.' I hope you have a good week. Perhaps I should do as Jenny recommends and go for a long lie down. Things can only improve.